ADD….so what now mum?

For parents starting out on their journey with a disability I would say:

  • Grill your paediatricians, doctors, sensory support for as much information as you can
  • Try and have a list of questions when you go to appointments in case you forget to ask something that has been bugging you. Type them in your phone or jot them down as and when you think of them. It’s hard to keep on top of them I know but it could make a difference.
  • Take each day as it comes, there will be good and bad days you have to accept this and it’s hard, really hard!!!!
  • With ADD pick your battles….this is a really hard one to do, you feel you can’t give in
  • Take some me time!!!! It’s hard but having some down time wether it’s a walk, going out or getting lost in a book we need to try and do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries. I tried for so long just to get on and be a parent but eventually realised it does not make me a bad mother to say help I need some rest and relaxation!!!
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help….again another difficult one especially when faced with people who do not understand your child’s behaviours and needs but on the flip side if we do not give them that chance to interact and experience it themselves how are they ever going to understand

One thing I think is true of parents who raise children with special needs and disabilities is the constant effort to do what is best for your child and sometimes these decisions can upset the normal routines and daily life.

ADD has taught me so much in the last 8 years and its teaching me a lot more as the months, years go on. 

No one child is ever the same and I think that is certainly true with children who have ADD. Every child has their own quirks, breaking points, triggers. No one child has the same symptoms but an array of them making them unique. We as parents have to learn how to adapt to take care of these children. There is no training manual its a case of trial and error!!! Its always interesting and helpful to speak to other parents for support, advice and just for someone that understands what you are going through. Facebook groups are a good place to start.

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Elements of ADD will cause you frustration, heartache, anger and you may feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. Memory problems for me cause me the most headaches and moments of sheer annoyance and anger and tears. I struggle as I am really an organised person to understand some days why my child forgets. Other days I feel sad for the things she looses and events she doesn’t understand as she has forgotten them.  A diagnosis of anything is no picnic and is never a simple cut and dry case. Just because you can’t see a disability does not mean its not there.

 I do blame myself as a parent for the way my children are….. Its easy to isn’t it?

It’s not my fault I know, but some days when feeling low in myself it is easy to play the blame game.We parents put ourselves through so much. We tackle parenthood head on and do everything we can to make sure our babies grow and thrive. The day we parents get our children’s diagnosises can be the worst. For me being told my daughter had hearing loss at 2 and ADD at 7 were days that I don’t really remember much about. They are lost to me in a haze all I remember doing is crying and then getting on and parenting as best as I could.

At the end of the day remember we are all super Mums and super Dads. In the eyes of our children we are their superheroes no matter what the days, months and years ahead bring. For all the love in the world raising our children to be loved and accepted is in my view what it’s all about. Yes I get angry and frustrated but the milestones my children complete and the characters they are will never ever make me think for one second that I wish life had been different. Our children are who they are and we have this amazing job ❤️

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Please feel free to get in touch
Xx Leanne xx
http://www.marshamholistictherapy.co.uk

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3 thoughts on “ADD….so what now mum?

  1. Leanne, let me say that I feel your frustration. My poor mom was reduced to prayer because nothing else she did improved my behavior. My brother recently said, “He couldn’t think of a time he enjoyed my company.” So let me say I get it on a deep personal level.

    First, I would drop the labels. They are not serving you or your daughters. I believe that ADHD is simply the way a hands on learner is viewed by visual or auditory learners. If you accept that perspective then your job as mum is to teach your child using hands-on material.

    Next, based on your description of her ODD behavior she is probably a low verbal learner which means that she doesn’t process words as fast as she does hands-on or visual input. Her having a hearing loss only worsens this learning style. But here is the impact on your child – she doesn’t think what people say is important. You will experience that as – she doesn’t listen.

    How do you get a 10 year old hands-on learner who doesn’t listen to believe that words make a difference? She has to feel it. If you are using the Fair Fight she is beginning to experience success in talking and feeling better. If you are not then every time she argues with someone who is more verbal they will simply talk over them. Each time she is talked over it will reinforce the feeling that words don’t make a difference because she will never be understood using them.

    One last thing, I grew up in a time when they didn’t drug ADHD kids they just gave them detention. My parents were clueless, but they always assumed I could solve my behavior problems. My father used to say to me, “Steve, there are reasons and results. Just give me the results.” He didn’t want to hear any of my excuses. Unfortunately for my parents, they were both dead by the time I discovered that I was ADHD with ODD and dyslexia. How did I become a medical doctor? Because I solved my behavior problems enough to follow my passion.

    If you would drop the labels and start using your daughter’s learning style strengths and tools like the Fair Fight to compensate for her weaknesses a miracle will unfold before your eyes.

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    1. Hi and firstly thank you Stephen for your comments and for taking the time to read my blog. This is my channel to off load if you like, I needed an outlet for everything i think and feel and by writing I hope other parents don’t feel as alone as I once did. Also here in Britain I am only just starting on my journey of raising awareness as it’s us parents as well as the children themselves who feel isolated, confused and scared.

      I have been reading through the links etc I just don’t manage to reply as quickly as I would like. Firstly I love the concept of the fair fight and will definitely be looking into that more and using it. Secondly I don’t like labelling my daughter at all in fact I hate it but Britain is still not as forward thinking or accepting as our American neighbours. ADD is more than the bad behaviour for us it’s the memory loss which breaks my heart it’s the not understanding friendships and family relationships, it’s the frustration in wanting to be like her friends but emotionally unable, the impulsive is down right scary. Bad behaviour causes me stress at home and with 4 girls it is hard to
      Police them. I am not a super women and some days I feel like an army sergeant shouting at her wayward recruits. I am definitely interested in your views and your advice so I thank you again
      Leanne

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  2. Leanne, memory loss is not part of ADD. Friendships and relationships take verbal skills. Depending on the drugs you have her on she may talk constantly, but really say nothing. If you want to improve her memory you will need to get her to learn to use her visual memory, but at this point your highest priority is relationships. Have you tried the book, “The Unwritten Rules of Friendship”? It is very helpful.

    BTW, In general the classroom environment is very destructive to hands-on learners. If you want to improve her attention span then feed her passion and turn off the TV.

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