Putting my hand up in class….no way
Going up on a stage to preform….not me
Talking to people I don’t know…is there anything worse
Feeling out of depth in new situations…yep me
This use to be me and I bet its a lot of other people out there too. I had the confidence of a gnat growing up and into my early adulthood, and even then I think a gnat would have slightly more. I use to be shy, hated talking to people I didn’t know, would always be the one on the edge of the group, nodding and smiling wishing I was anywhere but. Having children at first didn’t change this. Yes I went to toddler group’s but made sure I went with someone I knew. I hated going to the weigh in clinic and I never asked question’s and I just did what I was told.
To be told that your child has a disability, special need’s and needs regular check up’s, investigations and so forth didn’t really change how meeting new people made me feel. I hated every appointment in the beginning, would nod my head and give permission but it was like there was someone else inside me answering. I would get butterflies on the way to the hospital for hearing check up’s and get myself all worked up, I would sweat, feel sick and then I would break down on the way home, disappointed in myself as there were questions I wanted to ask and I was too afraid to ask them.
For me I realised that this had to change, that I had to become the carer and voice that my children needed me to be. My daughter was 2 when she was formally diagnosed with a hearing loss and 7 when she was diagnosed ADHD. A big change in my confidence, and strength levels was needed.
I started by accessing online forum’s, talking to people online started to give me the confidence to get the answer’s I needed from the people we were dealing with in our daughter’s care. Being on a forum also gave me confidence to talk to people about my experiences and also to offer advice to those just starting out on their journey with parenting a child with disabilities.
One big recommendation would be to have a note pad and pen and jot things down that the doctors and specialist’s say in case you want to research them and keep that notepad in your handbag, coat pocket so that if you think of anything you can then remember to ask at the next appointment. Its easy to forget long words and to in some cases zone out when you are given news to process, and having to wait weeks for the write up letter to come through so you can remember can sometimes put you on edge.
I had to dig down deep but I decided that I needed to put my children first instead of my own discomfort at talking to people. I became my daughter’s advocate, her voice in a world where adult’s make nearly every decision for her. My confidence does still waver from time to time but I remember that I am doing it for these four amazing girls who are all looking to me to be their role model and for the families who are diagnosed daily and are placed in the same position I was …no way am I letting them down.
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