So last nights antics accumulated in Mummy having a tantrum brought on by my Childs ability to Faff…..
Yes, Really this full grown 35 year old women had a full blown toddler style tantrum, resulting in an upset mummy, a worried Daddy, rather surprised children, a bed soaked with water from a drinks bottle and a broken iPhone – the joys of parenting
Let me explain……
Last night was a night where I lost my shit, after an hour of repeating myself ‘ Get in to bed’ I was at my wits end. This is life with a Faffer. So just to clear up what I am talking about, a Faffer is….
someone who is also referred to as procrastinating, a Faffer is someone who wastes time doing things that are unnecessary, and instead of what they should be doing i.e. they should be getting into bed but are instead tidying up.
My daughter may have ADD, Hearing loss, being assessed for Autism, definitely has the family trait of being OCD but oh my god is she a Faffer. You ask her to do something and she does something else first, I say get in bed so she starts tidying the bedroom, come and have tea and she gets in the bath, do her homework and she cleans out the rabbit. Fair enough for most parents having a child that randomly carries out chores would be a dream come true but not at bedtime, maybe 3 hours earlier when I had asked but definitely not when its bedtime. She then gets angry with me for stopping her cleaning her room, bare in mind its been an hour of trying to get her into bed. I finally think I have cracked it and they are in bed so go to the toilet, I just happen to then hear a shriek go running to find She has broken her sisters headband – Not good as this sister is attached to the headband so badly I have to buy them in batches of 10.
So the next problem is I can not get angry (usually) as if I bite or feel snarly she is sensitive to it and she becomes snarly too, unfortunately this time it happened. It was me standing there repeatedly saying the same thing over and over and getting madder and madder and ‘Her’ getting madder and madder – overreaction? yes, uncalled for? maybe did it make me feel better? hell no as I then had to go and buy a new bloody phone this morning.
Last night was just like any other night except wether I was tired, irritated as waiting t hear if I can have my driving license back after a medical condition, just fed up I don’t know but I just could not cope with the faffing and the stalling tactics. Hence Mummy had a tantrum, I didn’t get on the floor or shout and scream, I did however have to do an emergency mobile phone find as I broke one ; opps.
I still don’t know why it happened or why after the same routine of faffing that happens every night I suddenly just could not cope. I suppose its being human. Wether is kids, family, or people around us we can all find our buttons being pressed and at some point we need to blow of steam and let it out. Being a parent of disabled children makes that harder to bear as I always feel guilty afterwards, that I shouldn’t behave like that and that I should always keep my cool. Thats an ideal though, its not real world. I spent years beating myself up about how good a mum I was. Looking after children is bloody hard work, we second guess ourselves, we come up against the Faffer’s and at some point we all feel like losing the plot. The key is to not hate yourself, to pick yourself back up, dust yourself down, smile and begin the cycle of patience once again. I love my children very very much and would do anything for them, just sometimes mummy needs to have a tantrum too……
XX Leanne XX