My Top Tips for Christmas

Some days I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone and with Christmas now upon us its hard to believe that soon it will be 2019.

Christmas with children can be magical, fun and hectic at the best of times factor in disabilities of hearing loss, Attention deficit disorder, sleep apnea, Reflux and Possible Autism ( now being referred for this) it can be a rollercoaster of an event which often leaves me feeling shattered and wishing for it to be over. With the girls being older I thought it would get easier but it doesn’t, they are just now able to vent and shout at me. So to remind myself and to offer some advice to other parents heres my personal do’s and don’t’s of Christmas.

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  • Do try and plan as much as possible in advance and write it down. Having a daughter with ADD, two with possible Autism and forgetfulness making sure that they know what is going on is always the best way forward. we have a white board on the fridge, plus a calendar and as my girls are now a bit older we have a shared calendar on the phones. Everyone knows what is planned and has time to adjust especially if there is something new. Calendars are also good for noting changes if you are able to in advance.
  • Don’t try not to plan anything to elaborate, save your self stress, tears and frustration. I find that my girls are more than happy to have quiet festivities with people they know and love and trust rather than attending huge events. For some it work’s but for us it’s just more stress and anxiety.
  • Do make Christmas dinner as easy as possible. I always do a help your self meal, yes it means more pots to wash but by being able to choose their own food it takes some of the stress away and reduces the chance of Christmas dinner ending up in an argument.
  • Do have a backup plan – Sometimes things do not go to plan, be it illness, weather or something else don’t beat yourself up about it. Have something easy planned ready in case. For us this is having something that they all enjoy doing be it watching a film, going for a walk. Having a back up plan while still has challenges due to the anxiety surrounding change can sometimes diffuse a potential explosive episode.
  • Register online and have the food shopping delivered or if you have to take the children make an evening out of it and go later. We all know as parents how stressful the food shop can be in December. Put yourselves in your children’s shoes and imagine the noise, the people and your own frustrations when out shopping. If I can manage it I go alone if I can’t we have tea first or choose a supermarket with a restaurant so they can sit and chill while I shop.
  • Don’t be upset or angry if your children prefer their own company and hide themselves away. This is not a failing, I use to get so annoyed that when we go to see family/ friends or family /friends come to us and the girls either stay in their rooms or have their headphones in. You know what does it matter? they are there, they are safe and it allows you time to spend with the people you want to be with Sometimes it can make for a very quiet event.
  • Do take some time for yourself, wether its a bath, going out with family / friends or just going for a walk. Our health is just as important as the health of our children.

I would like to wish you all a (fingers crossed) happy, healthy Christmas and a happy New Year. You, Me and ADHD will be back in 2019 with fresh antic’s, more tried and tested activities and more insights into life with Children.

Take Care

XX Leanne xx

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We Have to Believe in ADD Magic

Its that time of the year again, it’s December nearly the end of the year and as I sit here writing this I am starting to realise how shattered I feel. My whole year has passed in a flurry of hospital and check up appointments. living our lives from one appointment to the next is really starting to annoy me, it feels like I am losing time and year’s living a life based around my children disabilities. Do I sound selfish? Am I not better to spend my time thanking my stars that my children do not have more severe  need’s? in fact should I even be thinking and feeling this way at all, after all I decided to have children………

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Having three girls with varying needs is exhausting no matter what those additional needs and disabilities are. Any parent who has to spend most of their time worrying, stressing, upset, nervous, anxious and being on that emotional rollercoaster should be damn proud of the things that they achieve daily, even if its just managing to see friends or tidying the house. Living, working and making a life for ourselves and our children can at times feel like an empty black hole. We don’t get thank’s for what we do, I feel like at times I am my daughter’s battering ram, they can’t take out their feelings on anyone else so the but stops with me.

Christmas is a magical wonderful time of year isn’t it? No Not all the time, sometimes it’s hopeless, energy zapping, bury your head in a pillow type of magical. Christmas does not herald the end to your daily routine’s in fact it makes these harder. I have to worry about medication and if we will have enough, I booked a Christmas food shop weeks ago…. did I order everything I need or am I going to have to go out and get it with the kids in toe? They break up from school on a Tuesday….a bloody Tuesday like thats not at all confusing for a child who is so use to routine is it….there’s going to be fall out from that I can tell you, I have booked tickets for a show which I dithered about doing so I settled on spending the money and making sure we are at the back near an exit just in case we need to leave…will it be worth it with the crowd’s and the change of routine? who know’s  Christmas can feel at times like a waste of time and so disappointing for me at least the children never seem to think so which is amazing.

 I just feel so sad that my year, and my children’s year’s can be counted down by the appointments my girls attend, from Audiology to paediatrician to ADHD Nurse to even school meeting’s. They all add up and whats even worse is its never ending and I am already booked to next August with Audiology appointments. There is no getting away from the fact that our family life is a plethora of hospital appointments intertwined with birthdays and that I am getting older and more cynical as time goes by.

BUT……….There is one thing that this family has not yet outgrown and that is the magic of Christmas. My 13 and 14 year olds love the magic even though they know there is no Santa and its nice that they are now starting to take part in the xmas shopping. As for the younger two 11 and 7 years Santa still very much exists and we have been having some great fun (me and dad that is) helping those naughty elves to get up to lots of silliness. In a world that can be dominated by the symptom’s of ADHD, the lack of concentration, the memory issues, the anxiety, the inattentiveness, the daydreaming, plus the hearing loss, and other medical concern’s, the worry of appointment’s that are still to come around, this little bit of fun and laughter that we all have down to a couple of little elves may seem to the on the outside desperate and silly but to us it is a break from the norm and it is something that I can do at the end of the day and know that come the morning my children will wake excited and happy at least until the elves are found and then the drudgery of the normal day comes back full force.

Here’s a hug for all the parent’s this Christmas time where ever you may be and how ever you spend this Christmas remember you are amazing……….

For more tip’s on how I cope at Christmas see our previous Blogs x

Christmas Magic… ADD Mayhem

So Christmas is coming…..we started elf on the shelf mid November and been counting down since 98 sleeps till Santa. I feel all Santa’ed out already and we are only on the 1st December. How do I have a child who lives with short term memory problems but can remember every day that santa is coming soon? If I believed in magic I would say it’s magical but it is more down to obsession than it is fairy magic.

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Christmas Magic

What I do love about this time of the year is the enthusiasm and the magic that Christmas still holds for my daughter who has ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) . She is 10 and still a firm believer that the elf comes alive at night and that santa brings her presents Christmas Eve. We have written and sent our Royal Mail letter to santa and she is eagerly awaiting a reply which in itself causes problems as she gets upset that the letter hasn’t arrived yet and very day I we wait I wonder if it was worth telling her and sending the letter.

In a society where most children grow up very fast I love that she is still able to hang onto a little childhood magic even if it does drive me mad. So top tips for managing a super excited ADD child 😊

  • Try not to curb their enthusiasm yes it’s only December 1st but if Christmas is something they are excited about I have discovered that it’s also a big motivator. Early elfs on the shelf truly can be magical especially if the elf does something naughty which the child relates to and it can even for a second make them realise a particular thing was naughty for example our daughter wrote on the wall so the elf wrote on her drawers in flour. She immediately told the elf off and so I explained that this situation was similar to what she had done. It’s baby steps to helping understanding.
  • Countdowns are great. Most phones can now down load sleeps to santa apps and these are great for ADD/ADHD for giving them a visual countdown. My daughter checks it several times a day but is comforted by the visual countdown.
  • Advent calendars we don’t tend to have. Tried them a few times and they got eaten in one day. This year I have decided to buy them one and use it as a reward but we shall see if it works otherwise it may be a case of mummy gets to eat lots of chocolate.
  • School holidays for us the kids break up on the 16th December this leaves a whole week of disturbed routine which will have an effect on how my daughter thinks and feels. This is when….”is it Christmas? when is santa coming?” Will start. I plan to have lots of activities and making days with them this week leading up to Xmas day. Yellow moon have lots of amazing craft sets that are very reasonably priced. This won’t solve the issue but will hopefully keep the kids entertained long enough for daddy to get home from work 😂
  • Wrap up warm and go for walks when the sun shines. Break up the monotony of a boring routineless day by getting out for even just a 10 minute walk. Remember when in school they have 15 minute break times. Try to emulate the structure of school as much as possible as this may help with the anxiety of them being at home and in close quarters with siblings.

Don’t get me wrong this holiday like any other will have me likely tearing out my hair with sibling arguements, behaviour issues, frustration and just down right anger but as always and as a mum I will do my best to keep the peace and try and ensure that everyone has a great Christmas. By the end of it I will need some serious pampering and so really need to get my massage treatment booked in ASAP 💆.

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You see there is no day off when you raise disabled children. The problems that are there don’t disappear on Christmas Eve. You still have to be a mum and dad and teach your children and comfort them and care for them. Supporting them in school, trying to get the right care for them, doing your best as a parents. If I was Scrooge I would say that Christmas just adds to the stress, anxiety and frustration especially for us parents. I haven’t even started wrapping presents yet and I have usually finished them by November. I have just been so caught up in my children’s needs and care, work and family that I just don’t have anymore to give at the minute. This makes me look like a miserable cow, someone that lets people down last minute but I just feel so weary and like I am holding my head just above the water. These are the dark days that I talk about in previous blogs. These are the days where I need my arse kicked by someone like my husband or sister. These are the days that are alright to feel, they are not wrong, they are not taboo but neither are they novel. It stinks to feel so crappy one minute and ok the next. But it does not make you a failure, it makes you stronger and it makes you a better parent.

Take care

X Leanne x