Play – What affect does this have on you as a parent?

Play – Every child develops through play from Building Bricks where they can hone those fine motor skills to the make believe play where they make sense of the world around them – I have just learnt to stop wasting money on puzzles, board games and any toys that need putting together!!!

Having children with varying disabilities has sometimes made this aspect of childhood difficult. Though three of the girls are very close in age they have never been into the same toys. My hearing daughter has always loved muscical toys and toys that she could interact with but these toys were sometimes unsuitable for my threee girls with hearing loss. These three girlies are more about the touch and the sensation of the toys and were much more into the toys that didn’t put pressure on them to listen, sit still and concentrate. Toys such as lego which we love, Teddies and Dolls, Tea sets, Kitchens item’s that they could get their hands on and were not sitting there trying to hear what it was saying. Now of course my eldest two are 14 and 13 years toys are now a thing of the past and its all about their mobile devices which I find really sad.

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For my younger two with their hearing loss, although a moderate loss I had difficulty finding interactive toys that were loud enough for them to hear properly and I became fed up with trying. I had to instead choose toys that were not only noisy but had lot’s of visual stimulation, so light’s, moving part’s and even used toy’s that moved by themselves. Books with moving parts were great or ones with puppets attached that could be used to visually stimulate and make them laugh. While this was relatively easy when they were very small, the progression of their development and their interest in particular types of toys has made this increasingly difficult to find toys that hold their attention.

Hence I became that mum that family and friends laugh about – If a toy wasn’t played with for a week it was sold and replaced with something else as it just held no interest to the girls any more.

All four of my girls have had very different interests, likes and dislikes. This meant that they are aways into different things and so hand me downs were difficult. One daughter now 12, has ADD, Hearing loss and is still very much into her dolls and teddies and pushchairs. The make believe world that she makes with them enables her to use the social skills she has been learning, allows her to explore her feelings and helps her to work through them. I very often stand outside the door and listen to the conversations she has, but also I hear the sadness sometimes when one of the dolls feels left out.

While this kind of play keeps her entertained for hours it can also make her particularly susceptible to Hyper focus. This is where she becomes very fixated and focused on the particular task at hand and it can make it difficult as a parent to refocus her, get her to come and eat or to join in with family life. There are some activities such as the older activity types like beads, making things, puzzles and board games – especially board games just do not suit our daughter, these are sometimes not even half finished before she has moved on to other things.

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So really its all about trial and error and this can make the whole experience of toys and finding play ideas expensive and frustrating for any parent. The shops are full of toys that look so inviting on the shelves, even the supermarkets have them but with prices creeping up I really don’t want to be paying so much for a toy that may not get played with so I find the best place to get toys from is….. Drum roll please!!! – Carboots and selling sites. These have become my preferred toy shopping venue. There is so much on offer, second hand out there and once cleaned the toys are as good as new.  Sometimes even the toys are brand new toys just released that someone else has paid for and their child is not interested and they have cost me a fraction of the price and can then be passed on to family, friends or charity shops to help others.

What affect does play have on you as a parent?  well sometimes it can be stressful, disheartening, annoying and you feel like throwing the towel in but other times to see the amazing interaction, or the amazing effect a particular toy has on your child is priceless.

xx leanne xx

http://www.leanneihm.wordpress.com

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You, Me and ADHD

So your given a diagnosis of ADHD or ADD or any other variant, your sent home with a box of medication, and told you’ll be sent an appointment for a review in 6 months……WHAT NOW???


Well first of you’ll be exhausted from managing your child’s symptoms, having regular appointment’s, assessments, trips to the hospital’s and you’ll be feeling pretty crap. You’ll also be feeling like a complete and utter failure as a parent all the while trying to keep your child from imploding, your relationship and family life on the straight and narrow and did I mention wondering what the hell you do now?

For me I went on auto pilot, I did what needed to be done at home, I tried to be there as a wife and a mother, I tried to hold down a job but I ended up letting some of the balls drop.

  • I took my children to their appointments, I cared for them, loved them no matter what but felt annoyed at times, lost my temper with them and was stressed out
  • My husband and I drifted apart, I would take all my anger and frustration out on him, we shouted and argued and he eventually went and found someone else that would give him time
  • I took myself away from family and friends while I tried to deal with the symptom’s and the ever increasing feeling of guilt about medication my daughter worried about what they would think and feel
  • I gave up work, being able to talk to other adults about grown up non Homelife topics

What I want every parent out there to know is that there is no shame in dropping a ball!!! Any parent who has children can at times feel stressed out, unhappy about their lives and the way that having children can feel like the very life is being sucked out of you. Thats normal, and its especially normal to feel that way when we have disabled children. To many parent’s do not give themselves a break, we deal with so much when caring for a disabled child no matter what the diagnosis is. Some parent’s I know go through so much more than I do and I am in such awe of them that it gives me the strength to do my best for my own children.


Living with hearing loss is annoying when you can’t hear yourself think, it gives you a sore throat shouting louder than normal so they know I am angry, its fiddly trying to replace small part’s on hearing aids and when the kids are younger I could have had a dozen heart attacks thinking they had swallowed batteries but its manageable. We learn and adapt just like our children learn to adapt to a world where one sense isn’t working like it should.

Living with ADHD is harder. Its an invisible diagnosis which to many people still see as just a naughty child or down to bad parenting. Trust me when you have had a bad day anyway and someone suggest’s your parenting skills may be whats wrong…you do not want to be near me. The grown up thing to do would be to say “ok its my parenting so why does only one child out of four have the symptoms” my childish side just wants to bop them on the noise…. and another horrible word that has been associated with my child….spoilt!! spoilt my arse, I do not spoil my children and I hate that even in todays society people still can not accept that ADHD exist’s. Hello its been documented since the 1700’s!!!

So here’s a little checklist from me to you

  • Give yourself a break, take Time to digest the diagnosis
  • talk to somebody either a professional or someone that is in the same boat as you, swap tips and advice
  • research – there are some really good websites/groups and forum’s about with people in the same place as you
  • don’t cut out family and friends – you really will learn the power of friendship and know the love of family when you have a child diagnosed, they need you as much as you need them, talk, ask for help or even just a hug

To find out more about You , Me And ADHD, follow our blog

xx Leanne XX

 

Highschool – ADHD milestone

The last couple of months have been hard work. Having a child transition to high school is daunting enough when they don’t have special needs. Having a child that does have additional needs puts a whole new perspective on the transition for me. Having been in this situation twice before I thought I was prepared for my third daughter to start high school. How wrong I was….

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My daughter 11 years ago 

With so many meetings, notes, letters, forms, questions it has taken me this long to just sit and appreciate that this is a huge milestone in my daughters life.  Having a child with hearing loss and ADHD, learning difficulties worries me no end I struggled with her being in primary school how the hell I am going to cope her being in high school!! I seemed to have spent the last 7 years in a bubble which sadly has now popped as high school is such a different ball game

  1. They are expected to be independent
  2. Remember what they need each day
  3. Organise themselves and get to lessons on time
  4. Get their own food and Eat at lunchtime
  5. Be responsible
  6. Do the work set or have the confidence to ask for help

While for most children going into year 7 may not have as many problems with some or all of these for my daughter these are all milestones she has not yet reached. This is not through a lack of trying to get her to be independent, and trying as many helping strategies as we can to enable her to function as expected by society and peers. Its just some days this holiday it has more added stress and upset on top of everything else that we as a family have to try and overcome. Six weeks is such a long time for a child to be out of school, out of routine, away from their friends and peers. I worry…..

To prepare for high school we have

  1. Chatting daily about high school, familiarising her with talk of high school, answering any questions that she has
  2. Pinning up her school timetable so that she has regular access to it to try and familiarise herself with the sorts of lessons she will have
  3. Taking lots of photocopies of the timetable, I would advise doing this for any child starting high school as they will all loose it at one point or another
  4. Keeping the school uniform out and visual – its hanging in her room with her bag, shoes, pencil case so that she gets use to them, sounds silly to some but having new items can be daunting making sure my daughter is comfy with her new stuff is just as important
  5. Next week we will start getting back into the school routine in regards to times. When school starts we will need to leave the house at 8.20am so in preparation I’ll start getting them in the routine of up, breakfasted and dressed by 8.20am

Its also important to try and not project your own insecurities about your child starting high school. I am finding it really difficult to not become anxious, worried and over protective about how she will cope. I know its my job to worry and to make sure that she has what she needs but she also needs me to be positive and reassuring. I need to let her be as independent as she can be but as a parent and a carer I also need to make sure that she has the support from us as a family as well as the school.

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This is where trying to build a good relationship with new teachers and heads of departments is key. I have spent time worrying that I may be seen as that annoying parent who email’s questions and has had numerous meetings with the senco, but for us this has allowed my daughter to familiarise herself with the school. Its during these meetings that I was put at ease and told I could continue to email if I have any worries or concerns. We all hear the terrible stories where schools don’t communicate with parents and there is no support, teachers don’t receive training in special needs, there is no money, EHCP’s are notoriously difficult to get – we have tried twice and it boils down to being in schools that meet her needs. Parents are left feeling angry, upset and disillusioned with the whole education system. I know at times I feel that way.

High school is the next step up, the next milestone and the fact that there is no playground and no parent – teacher interaction first thing in the morning and last thing at the end of the day in my opinion shouldn’t matter, as parents we should be able to get the support we need and be able to speak to those that care for our children in our place. My advice don’t keep quiet, fight for your children, like I said its not another planet its just high school and lets face it high school is difficult enough for any child.

Good luck to all those taking their first steps into high school in the next few weeks parents and children alike

x Leanne X