So your given a diagnosis of ADHD or ADD or any other variant, your sent home with a box of medication, and told you’ll be sent an appointment for a review in 6 months……WHAT NOW???
Well first of you’ll be exhausted from managing your child’s symptoms, having regular appointment’s, assessments, trips to the hospital’s and you’ll be feeling pretty crap. You’ll also be feeling like a complete and utter failure as a parent all the while trying to keep your child from imploding, your relationship and family life on the straight and narrow and did I mention wondering what the hell you do now?
For me I went on auto pilot, I did what needed to be done at home, I tried to be there as a wife and a mother, I tried to hold down a job but I ended up letting some of the balls drop.
- I took my children to their appointments, I cared for them, loved them no matter what but felt annoyed at times, lost my temper with them and was stressed out
- My husband and I drifted apart, I would take all my anger and frustration out on him, we shouted and argued and he eventually went and found someone else that would give him time
- I took myself away from family and friends while I tried to deal with the symptom’s and the ever increasing feeling of guilt about medication my daughter worried about what they would think and feel
- I gave up work, being able to talk to other adults about grown up non Homelife topics
What I want every parent out there to know is that there is no shame in dropping a ball!!! Any parent who has children can at times feel stressed out, unhappy about their lives and the way that having children can feel like the very life is being sucked out of you. Thats normal, and its especially normal to feel that way when we have disabled children. To many parent’s do not give themselves a break, we deal with so much when caring for a disabled child no matter what the diagnosis is. Some parent’s I know go through so much more than I do and I am in such awe of them that it gives me the strength to do my best for my own children.
Living with hearing loss is annoying when you can’t hear yourself think, it gives you a sore throat shouting louder than normal so they know I am angry, its fiddly trying to replace small part’s on hearing aids and when the kids are younger I could have had a dozen heart attacks thinking they had swallowed batteries but its manageable. We learn and adapt just like our children learn to adapt to a world where one sense isn’t working like it should.
Living with ADHD is harder. Its an invisible diagnosis which to many people still see as just a naughty child or down to bad parenting. Trust me when you have had a bad day anyway and someone suggest’s your parenting skills may be whats wrong…you do not want to be near me. The grown up thing to do would be to say “ok its my parenting so why does only one child out of four have the symptoms” my childish side just wants to bop them on the noise…. and another horrible word that has been associated with my child….spoilt!! spoilt my arse, I do not spoil my children and I hate that even in todays society people still can not accept that ADHD exist’s. Hello its been documented since the 1700’s!!!
So here’s a little checklist from me to you
- Give yourself a break, take Time to digest the diagnosis
- talk to somebody either a professional or someone that is in the same boat as you, swap tips and advice
- research – there are some really good websites/groups and forum’s about with people in the same place as you
- don’t cut out family and friends – you really will learn the power of friendship and know the love of family when you have a child diagnosed, they need you as much as you need them, talk, ask for help or even just a hug
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xx Leanne XX