Being a mum is not always all doom and gloom as we all know. Some days make us feel all giddy inside and others make us feel like tearing out our hair but let’s talk about the good times.
With summer just around the corner and with the promise of sun and warmth this week the start to the Easter holidays has been an ok experience. If like me your stuck in daily routines, tantrums, school clothes, homework and housework the start of the holidays can be daunting. No school run yippee but hungry, agitated little humans being home all day, all week really can leave a ‘take me now’ feeling. I turn to Gin…..no I don’t really, although it’s very tempting!!!
Mummy time
My girls have diagnosed and undiagnosed ADHD and Autism, there’s no two ways about it. Some symptoms of ADHD that we see in our daughter are:
They are unable to sit still
Problems with concentration
Unable to wait their time
Act without thinking
can be forgetful or have problems with memory
Little or no sense of danger – will run into traffic even at age 11 years
Inappropriate social interaction – problems with social communication
Social withdrawal – difficulties interacting with peers
Learning disability or difficulty
Lack of understanding social cues and situations such as sarcasm
They are both sticklers for routine and can make merry hell if it’s disrupted, this includes having school holidays. They struggle to make and keep friends, so and so said this, no one likes me, no one wants to play, okay darling then find something else to to do!! And they stare blankly back at you….with lockdown we haven’t been able to arrange and rain check any catch ups and meet ups – brilliant nothing like going through the Maelstrom of emotions when plans change or evolve.
But….the start to this holiday has been great, sunshine equals garden time, if I’m outside so are they, I school runs or meetings so I’ve had time to cook from scratch… I’m on slimming world and by default so are the rest of the family and with home cooking I’ve started to notice that one of our girls isn’t as hyper in the evenings….at least until bedtime. Every thing I make they eat, a few moans here and there but I’m sticking it out.
The sun has been out and it’s been warm so noI mean really is there nothing else to my life than this and I mean this is every day, can anyone relate? This is a conversation we have every day with our fail….
‘ mum shall I wear my shorts or my trousers?’ – I don’t know you choose- ‘but Mum is it hot or cold?’- it’s cold put your trousers on – ‘but what if I get hot mum?’- then put your shorts on ( at this point I am gritting teeth) – ‘but then I might get cold!!!’ – oh for gods sake put your shorts and trousers on then if your hot take the trousers off if your hot put them on- but mummmmmmm‘
Anyway sun is out, it’s warm, no school run, cooking and baking, no appointments, no unscheduled meet ups it’s brilliant there is no expectation, no fear of fallout or meltdowns. Obviously there is the odd blip here and there, they wouldn’t be who they are without them but when you as a parent don’t put to much pressure on yourself I think there’s an opportunity to relax and recharge. As parents and as carers we take to much onto ourselves, if lockdown has taught me anything it’s that I’m mad….Not really it’s taught us as a family that slowing things down, taking time out and on occasion having no expectations leads to all manner of new experiences. Seeing the smile on their faces even amidst the Frustration, pain and giving them a day of where something is expected of them makes it all worth while…well nearly
I know I have…..I’m Bored mummy, Your stupid Mummy, We never do anything Mum, Why can’t we go out Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum
Some days I really wish I could change my name to something that would make me belly laugh every time they say it. THE 6 WEEKS SUMMER HOLIDAY is bad enough for any sane person, we spend more money, we have to fit in work and when ever I go to get something to eat the locusts have visited. Even aged 9, 13,14, and 15 my lot still have a hard time amusing themselves. I don’t know why? I remember going out on my bike for hours with friends, climbing trees, maybe getting up to mischief (it was the 90’s) my lot would rather wait for me to tell them or rather shout at them to do something so they can shout back its boring, or they want to do something else ARGH
My girls like routine, they like to know in advance what we are doing, where we are going, for how long and who is going. Its exhausting when its a school week and most of the effort is concentrated on getting them to school. With the summer holidays its ike a free pass for my girls to morph into whinging robots that repeat themselves like a stuck record. I suppose I may be luckier than some as there are only literally 8 days left to go before the start of the new term, not that I am counting down or anything……….
To tell the truth I love the idea of having my girls home for 6 weeks. No school run, pack lunches, shirt ironing for a whole 6 weeks, we can go out, stay in, chill but the shine soon rubs of as I realise very quickly that unless I have a full itinerary to rival the best travel reps I am going to fail miserably and descend into a midst of parent despair. For those parenting children with Autism, ADD,ADHD and other Neuro-developmental disabilities the chaos of no routine soon becomes apparent. Even me, I find I can not cope with the ‘No routine’ I feel like a lost puppy waiting for instructions.
Saying that we have had some lovely days out, planned in advance, weather checked, food sorted, money sorted. Days at museum’s, Sea life centre (aged 9 and 13 they have sadly now outgrown), 2p machines, Beach, swimming, camping ect ect
I feel like I should be sad that summer holidays is nearly over and that they will go back to school soon but to be honest….. NO I AM NOT, Why? well the last few days start to drag, they don’t start back till nearly the end of the damn week which just causes even more confusion as like L says school should start on a Monday and I am bloody fed up with the I’ll need this, This don’t fit me, Can I have this, I need a million pens, I need a new bag cause this one is mouldy, I don’t like my school, I don’t want to go to school.
The build up to school is a bloody nightmare for all parents, wether its the cost, the planning, new schools, Good luck to you all See you on the other side 🙂
Some days I can’t believe how quickly this year has gone and with Christmas now upon us its hard to believe that soon it will be 2019.
Christmas with children can be magical, fun and hectic at the best of times factor in disabilities of hearing loss, Attention deficit disorder, sleep apnea, Reflux and Possible Autism ( now being referred for this) it can be a rollercoaster of an event which often leaves me feeling shattered and wishing for it to be over. With the girls being older I thought it would get easier but it doesn’t, they are just now able to vent and shout at me. So to remind myself and to offer some advice to other parents heres my personal do’s and don’t’s of Christmas.
Do try and plan as much as possible in advance and write it down. Having a daughter with ADD, two with possible Autism and forgetfulness making sure that they know what is going on is always the best way forward. we have a white board on the fridge, plus a calendar and as my girls are now a bit older we have a shared calendar on the phones. Everyone knows what is planned and has time to adjust especially if there is something new. Calendars are also good for noting changes if you are able to in advance.
Don’t try not to plan anything to elaborate, save your self stress, tears and frustration. I find that my girls are more than happy to have quiet festivities with people they know and love and trust rather than attending huge events. For some it work’s but for us it’s just more stress and anxiety.
Do make Christmas dinner as easy as possible. I always do a help your self meal, yes it means more pots to wash but by being able to choose their own food it takes some of the stress away and reduces the chance of Christmas dinner ending up in an argument.
Do have a backup plan – Sometimes things do not go to plan, be it illness, weather or something else don’t beat yourself up about it. Have something easy planned ready in case. For us this is having something that they all enjoy doing be it watching a film, going for a walk. Having a back up plan while still has challenges due to the anxiety surrounding change can sometimes diffuse a potential explosive episode.
Register online and have the food shopping delivered or if you have to take the children make an evening out of it and go later. We all know as parents how stressful the food shop can be in December. Put yourselves in your children’s shoes and imagine the noise, the people and your own frustrations when out shopping. If I can manage it I go alone if I can’t we have tea first or choose a supermarket with a restaurant so they can sit and chill while I shop.
Don’t be upset or angry if your children prefer their own company and hide themselves away. This is not a failing, I use to get so annoyed that when we go to see family/ friends or family /friends come to us and the girls either stay in their rooms or have their headphones in. You know what does it matter? they are there, they are safe and it allows you time to spend with the people you want to be with Sometimes it can make for a very quiet event.
Do take some time for yourself, wether its a bath, going out with family / friends or just going for a walk. Our health is just as important as the health of our children.
I would like to wish you all a (fingers crossed) happy, healthy Christmas and a happy New Year. You, Me and ADHD will be back in 2019 with fresh antic’s, more tried and tested activities and more insights into life with Children.
Its that time of the year again, it’s December nearly the end of the year and as I sit here writing this I am starting to realise how shattered I feel. My whole year has passed in a flurry of hospital and check up appointments. living our lives from one appointment to the next is really starting to annoy me, it feels like I am losing time and year’s living a life based around my children disabilities. Do I sound selfish? Am I not better to spend my time thanking my stars that my children do not have more severe need’s? in fact should I even be thinking and feeling this way at all, after all I decided to have children………
Having three girls with varying needs is exhausting no matter what those additional needs and disabilities are. Any parent who has to spend most of their time worrying, stressing, upset, nervous, anxious and being on that emotional rollercoaster should be damn proud of the things that they achieve daily, even if its just managing to see friends or tidying the house. Living, working and making a life for ourselves and our children can at times feel like an empty black hole. We don’t get thank’s for what we do, I feel like at times I am my daughter’s battering ram, they can’t take out their feelings on anyone else so the but stops with me.
Christmas is a magical wonderful time of year isn’t it? No Not all the time, sometimes it’s hopeless, energy zapping, bury your head in a pillow type of magical. Christmas does not herald the end to your daily routine’s in fact it makes these harder. I have to worry about medication and if we will have enough, I booked a Christmas food shop weeks ago…. did I order everything I need or am I going to have to go out and get it with the kids in toe? They break up from school on a Tuesday….a bloody Tuesday like thats not at all confusing for a child who is so use to routine is it….there’s going to be fall out from that I can tell you, I have booked tickets for a show which I dithered about doing so I settled on spending the money and making sure we are at the back near an exit just in case we need to leave…will it be worth it with the crowd’s and the change of routine? who know’s Christmas can feel at times like a waste of time and so disappointing for me at least the children never seem to think so which is amazing.
I just feel so sad that my year, and my children’s year’s can be counted down by the appointments my girls attend, from Audiology to paediatrician to ADHD Nurse to even school meeting’s. They all add up and whats even worse is its never ending and I am already booked to next August with Audiology appointments. There is no getting away from the fact that our family life is a plethora of hospital appointments intertwined with birthdays and that I am getting older and more cynical as time goes by.
BUT……….There is one thing that this family has not yet outgrown and that is the magic of Christmas. My 13 and 14 year olds love the magic even though they know there is no Santa and its nice that they are now starting to take part in the xmas shopping. As for the younger two 11 and 7 years Santa still very much exists and we have been having some great fun (me and dad that is) helping those naughty elves to get up to lots of silliness. In a world that can be dominated by the symptom’s of ADHD, the lack of concentration, the memory issues, the anxiety, the inattentiveness, the daydreaming, plus the hearing loss, and other medical concern’s, the worry of appointment’s that are still to come around, this little bit of fun and laughter that we all have down to a couple of little elves may seem to the on the outside desperate and silly but to us it is a break from the norm and it is something that I can do at the end of the day and know that come the morning my children will wake excited and happy at least until the elves are found and then the drudgery of the normal day comes back full force.
Here’s a hug for all the parent’s this Christmas time where ever you may be and how ever you spend this Christmas remember you are amazing……….
For more tip’s on how I cope at Christmas see our previous Blogs x
The last couple of months have been hard work. Having a child transition to high school is daunting enough when they don’t have special needs. Having a child that does have additional needs puts a whole new perspective on the transition for me. Having been in this situation twice before I thought I was prepared for my third daughter to start high school. How wrong I was….
My daughter 11 years ago
With so many meetings, notes, letters, forms, questions it has taken me this long to just sit and appreciate that this is a huge milestone in my daughters life. Having a child with hearing loss and ADHD, learning difficulties worries me no end I struggled with her being in primary school how the hell I am going to cope her being in high school!! I seemed to have spent the last 7 years in a bubble which sadly has now popped as high school is such a different ball game
They are expected to be independent
Remember what they need each day
Organise themselves and get to lessons on time
Get their own food and Eat at lunchtime
Be responsible
Do the work set or have the confidence to ask for help
While for most children going into year 7 may not have as many problems with some or all of these for my daughter these are all milestones she has not yet reached. This is not through a lack of trying to get her to be independent, and trying as many helping strategies as we can to enable her to function as expected by society and peers. Its just some days this holiday it has more added stress and upset on top of everything else that we as a family have to try and overcome. Six weeks is such a long time for a child to be out of school, out of routine, away from their friends and peers. I worry…..
To prepare for high school we have
Chatting daily about high school, familiarising her with talk of high school, answering any questions that she has
Pinning up her school timetable so that she has regular access to it to try and familiarise herself with the sorts of lessons she will have
Taking lots of photocopies of the timetable, I would advise doing this for any child starting high school as they will all loose it at one point or another
Keeping the school uniform out and visual – its hanging in her room with her bag, shoes, pencil case so that she gets use to them, sounds silly to some but having new items can be daunting making sure my daughter is comfy with her new stuff is just as important
Next week we will start getting back into the school routine in regards to times. When school starts we will need to leave the house at 8.20am so in preparation I’ll start getting them in the routine of up, breakfasted and dressed by 8.20am
Its also important to try and not project your own insecurities about your child starting high school. I am finding it really difficult to not become anxious, worried and over protective about how she will cope. I know its my job to worry and to make sure that she has what she needs but she also needs me to be positive and reassuring. I need to let her be as independent as she can be but as a parent and a carer I also need to make sure that she has the support from us as a family as well as the school.
This is where trying to build a good relationship with new teachers and heads of departments is key. I have spent time worrying that I may be seen as that annoying parent who email’s questions and has had numerous meetings with the senco, but for us this has allowed my daughter to familiarise herself with the school. Its during these meetings that I was put at ease and told I could continue to email if I have any worries or concerns. We all hear the terrible stories where schools don’t communicate with parents and there is no support, teachers don’t receive training in special needs, there is no money, EHCP’s are notoriously difficult to get – we have tried twice and it boils down to being in schools that meet her needs. Parents are left feeling angry, upset and disillusioned with the whole education system. I know at times I feel that way.
High school is the next step up, the next milestone and the fact that there is no playground and no parent – teacher interaction first thing in the morning and last thing at the end of the day in my opinion shouldn’t matter, as parents we should be able to get the support we need and be able to speak to those that care for our children in our place. My advice don’t keep quiet, fight for your children, like I said its not another planet its just high school and lets face it high school is difficult enough for any child.
Good luck to all those taking their first steps into high school in the next few weeks parents and children alike
If you have read any of my previous blogs I like any other parent raising children can go through a series of emotions daily. Some are bad days where I struggle with parenthood to the point I feel my emotions are boiling over, my neck and shoulders hurt, I over eat due to stress and I generally feel crap, but other days make me realise how amazing motherhood is.
I have four girls aged between 13 and 7 and being able to watch them forge their own paths in life is an amazing privilege. We bring these tiny people into the world and are their family, teachers and support network. When they become older these little bundles trust and rely on you for everything still and you know that you will move heaven and earth to protect them. That feeling never goes away…..even now my own children are growing I still feel that sense of protectiveness and love I felt the day they were born. Even more so sometimes, I want to protect them from society and peoples cruel words, from prejudice and judgement.
While I never thought I would raise disabled children as many parents don’t I have never hesitated in doing all that I can to make sure they get the best and I fight daily to ensure they are raised in a world that does not see them as different and unable but sees them for the amazing people they are and days like today when they learn something new makes me proud.
All disabilities are different and need care in different ways but we parents become their carer’s and their advocates. In a world that is slowly changing to accept that people with disabilities deserve the same rights that we do I feel my children have more chance of showing the world what they have to offer. This is why I believe in writing and sharing my experiences like other parents out there so that hopefully my children can step in to a world where disabilities are considered but not made to hold those who have them back.
Having children who have hearing loss is hard. I am forever feeling like I need to apologise for their loudness and their bluntness. My eldest has a mild loss and wears hearing aids and recently was bullied and told to stop staring at people. Yet when she explains why it becomes easier to understand when you are an adult but not when you are a child. You see she is not intentially being rude it’s just as she uses lip reading to help understand conversations around her, she looks at people’s faces and body language. If hearing loss was more talked about I feel that people would understand better. Another daughter with moderate hearing loss faces different issues, she struggles with high frequency words and again uses lip reading and body language to make sense of the world around her. Speech is such an important part of who we are and communication is everything. Not being able to communicate can become a very distressing and upsetting prospect. Relationships can become strained as there are barriers.
Since the new born screening programme came in hearing loss is is picked up earlier and children can be given the care they need to help them but that doesn’t help others who do not know much about hearing loss. As a parent I tell people and are open with them that my children have a hearing loss. In previous years when my confidence was low this was extremely hard and I would frequently get embarrassed if people stared at us or stared at my children’s hearing aids. After confronting one person once about staring it became apparent that he was just fascinated as he had never seen young children with hearing loss and that he had always assumed it was an elderly person disability.
After that I became more confident at being able to explain my children’s hearing aids as humans we are very nosy, intrested but most of the time prone to staring as we are afraid to ask. My children are no different and will stare at people in wheel chairs or people who are different from them which I teach them is wrong and that if they are intrested they should go and talk to them. My eldest has done this to a poor lady in a wheelchair. She wanted to know why and after speaking to the lady she assured me she wasn’t offended but rather happy that my daughter would take the time to talk to her. Don’t get me wrong I can’t speak for every disabled person out there but I know that now my children are getting older they would much prefer someone ask than stare. It’s how they learn and share awareness isn’t it??
Don’t get me wrong it’s not an easy task to teach any child right from wrong but teaching your child to accept k that has been started and we live in a world where everyone is accepted regardless of their disability.
The ADD diagnosis that another of my children has is the hardest disability as a parent to cope with. I find it extremely challenging as a parent as ADD and ADHD are still viewed by some as just a naughty child and how I must be a bad parent in some way spoiling my child or that it must be because I can’t cope. Having four children is also a no no in some people’s eyes. Thing is I can cope, it hasn’t broken me yet and the worse part is that some days it is not my child that causes me pain but the thoughts and actions of others. I feel I have to explain my child’s disability when meeting anyone new so they know straight away that there is a valid condition that makes my child act out. I feel shame and worry that old prejudices come to the forefront of a strangers mind and that they think I am being silly and I just have a naughty child, a bad apple amongst the four of them. I don’t!!!!!!
Having disabled children does make you open your eyes to the plight of others. I never dreamed I would have children who had disabilities. No one in my family has anything and even the children of my siblings do not have the hearing loss or ADD that my children have. The disabilities my children face are by no means life threatening or emotional as what other parents go through, but for us it can be our own tiny world of emotional turmoil. I still feel occasionally like a failure compared to my siblings. That I must have done something wrong to be the only one with children who are viewed as different. I feel shame when my children do something that is not perceived as normal but can be explained due to their diagnosis especially my daughter with ADD…….but I never fail to feel that love, protectiveness and proudness that I felt when they were younger and free of any labels.
Everything thing that my children accomplish makes me feel such amazing warmth and awe and that as young as they are they will continue to forge a path through whatever comes and be amazing people ready to help anyone and pass on their strength and experiences to those that are around them.
Children are not born prejudice or judgemental, they are born inquisitive , looking for knowledge and accepting. It’s this that we need to encourage
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Routine for us as a family is the basically the difference between a good day and a bad day. There is no flexibility, there is no common ground, its the routine or the highway as far as I am concerned.
Helping to cook encourages eating
Routine is such an important part of my daughter’s life, from the way she sets about her morning to how she copes with planned events, holidays and general everyday life. Without a routine my daughter can be left feeling bereft and disjointed in an already confusing and sometimes overwhelming world that she lives in. Being able to do anything in a way that helps her to stay connected to the rest of the family can mean the difference between her being happy and contented to being frustrated and generally unable to cope. Trying to balance this need for routine with three other children can at times cause strife and I am on lots of occasions accused of favouritism, but this is not the case. As children they do not see the struggle it is to try and keep everyone on an even keel. Having your life to an extent ruled by routine is difficult and frustrating but having a daughter with ADHD means she struggles with memory problems, impulsiveness, concentration and being able to adhere to a routine can mean the difference between her being able to function or having that meltdown that all parents dread.
In some form or another we all have a routine of some kind in our daily lives. From how we get ready for the day to how we move through it and how we end it. For me routine starts when I open my eyes getting my self ready and the girls all ready for the day ahead takes the same form everyday
wake up then wake the girls up
washed and dressed
breakfast
hearing aids in, hair brushed
coat and shoes on bags on
If I have managed to get the children all ready to go by 8.20am its a good day and means that having a routine in place has worked even if for me it feel’s like I have crammed a weeks worth of stress into 2 hours.
Never let it be said that the job of a mum or dad is easy. First thing in the morning until the children are all safely behind the school doors is the most stressful time of my day. Four children each trying to go about their own varying routines while co habituating in a small house brings that sense of cold fear when I open my eyes. There are days when I just want to bury myself under the duvet and pretend that I have no responsibilities, no reason to wake up and get going.
Having a young family is not all plain sailing even when you have great well thought, well meaning routines in place. This is never more apparent than in the school holidays. The effects of not having a routine during holiday’s is amplified because my daughter with ADHD relies so heavily on a routine and of course when there is no school day which is structured this can cause Anxiety and panic, a whole lot of shouting, fighting and stress for the children as well as me. How do I cope erm lets say on a bad day I don’t, I struggle hugely to get the motivation to carry out the same routine over and over. Its like my favourite old saying of “ground hog day” over and over. Everyday has to start and finish in the same way. It drives me crazy sometimes, wishing that for just once we could do something spontaneous.
Not at all Happy at being took out
So basically for me routine is the difference in being a crazy, out of control frayed round the edges mum to a semi calm and collected mum who after a strong cup of coffee and 5 minutes of quiet is ready to face the day after the school run. Until the end of the day that is. I love being a mum, I thrive on their happiness, watching them grow and learn and if I have to live with routines then so be it.
As a parent you would be well versed in the art of preparing for a day out with the family or friends. What happens though and how do you prepare for a day out with a disabled child. For me by the time I get where we are going I look like a haggled miserable cow which can make me cranky so apologies in advance if ever I meet you on a day out…….
Feeding the swans, my heart was in mouth though
For me I find planning a day out really hard. Although our daughter is nearly 11 there is so much to think about
What time are we going, do we have hearing aids, are we dressed…I don’t know about your children but mine are typical slouch around until the last minute and then panic stations to get dressed. I usually get L motivated by having a race to see who can get dressed the quickest…I win most days 😊
Will she cope with where we are going…..Proberly not but perseverance is the key mum’s and dad’s!!! Keep repeating and try not to give in as if you have other children it’s not fair on them. This is hard but I use to give in all the time till my eldest said that I always changed the plans just because of L. Made me stop and think
How expensive is the day out? You see if I pay say £50 to get me and 4 children into an attraction how long will we manage to stay an hour, 2 hours? I tend to find free or very cheap but fun places like Redwings horse Sanctuary.
What do I need to take… Soft toy, fiddle toys, baby wipes, snacks and drinks usually grace my rucksack…I gave up with having handbags as they became so heavy a good pretty rucksack to hide all the bits and bobs plus baby wipes and drinks and snacks for you as well as your children.
How far away is the destination…I have to factor in travel time so I can tell my daughter how long we will be, roughly how long we will stay. I try to show a map of where we are going or my daughter will now google it so she can see how far she is going. Sometimes this helps and sometimes it doesn’t but at least I have tried to keep some sanity for my own peace of mind.
It’s time consuming and some days it’s mentally exhausting and quite often I just can not face the questions, the tears, the anxiety and the stress of leaving the house. I would love to take my girls out everyday but it’s just not that simple. I can get them up, dressed and out the door that’s not the problem, it’s the endless questions, my daughter getting anxious and frustrated that makes me feel is it really worth it.
Our daughter with ADD and anxiety just does not cope with leaving the house. Even to see friends or people she has known since being a baby or having planned to go somewhere she knows well, this I find hard as most people don’t understand how hard it is some days and how hard it is to relax once we have arrived at our destination when all I really want to do is go home and go to bed and start again.
I find it frustrating and upsetting as I feel my children have had a rubbish holiday due to not being able to go out as much as I would wish. You see ADD is not just a diagnosis on a piece of paper. It’s not an excuse or just another name for a naughty child. It’s bloody hard work, consuming, irritating, stressful, upsetting. It makes you feel as a parent a complete failure. It undermines family life even when you don’t want it to and the worst thing is that even as a parent there are days that you will blame yourself, your partner/husband and even your child for the emotions that you feel due to ADD. Anxiety also affects the whole family as well as being dehabilitating and scary for the individual. Anxiety has started to impact my daughter more and more the older she is getting and the more she figures the work out and understands a little more. The anxiety is because she feels out of her comfort zone, she can not cope with a change of scenery or me planning anything. As a mum I try to help by
Staying calm……. this is very hard to do when you have other children around. The anxiety felt by one child seems to have a wave effect and everyone feels sensitive to what is going on around
Try to plan….. harder said than done as life is flexible and plans are not ridged. I have started to write everything down for my daughter in a pocket diary so she can keep track of where she will be and what she is doing. If plans change though and as a busy mum I forget to alter the information then this idea works against me and I often feel I am back at square one
Don’t plan something for everyday……having a very busy schedule can work and going out most days can also help with hyperactivity and attention but I now feel that my daughter sometimes just needs days at home in her pj’s to play with her dolls and relax. Again this can backfire with sibling fights, boredom resulting in screamaing and stress but slowing the pace some days also gives me a chance to wind down and not have to be getting the kids ready and rushing about.
Don’t ask my daughter what she wants to do…..this could be construed as controversial but unless you are willing to do exactly what she has suggested you are just setting yourself up for a fall and an awful lot of stress if the activity they wish to do is not feasible.
Sitting here now watching my daughter react to us going to the park this morning. She has known we are going for two days and up to last night it was all she could excitedly talk about but this morning the realisation has kicked in and my daughter is worried and rocking and hurting her younger sister because she is worried about who is going to be there, what time we are going, if it’s going to be wet, how long we will be, what can she take with her, anyone else have this?
It’s at times like this my heart breaks. My other children accept where we are going and can’t wait to go and have fun while L feels scared. Is it the right thing to take her out, how would I feel if I was made to go somewhere I really didn’t want to go….in honesty there is such a place and if I am told I need to go there my heart races, butterflies start up in my tummy, my palms get sweaty and my mouth feels dry. To have to feel these symptoms everyday for what you or I would deem trivial everyday life I just can’t fathom. I think my daughter is amazing to do the things she does and to have me making her do things though am I making her worse or helping her to overcome?
Days like this make it all worthwhile
Life with kids is amazing, awe inspiring, full of love, happiness, tiring, hard work, frustrating, heartbreaking, but we do our best we find what works and we do the best we can. It’s all we can do and even on bad days I hope my children know just how much I love them and how I would move heaven and earth if I needed to for them.
Happy Easter, hope you all get some rest and precious time with your children.
As I sit here writing I almost want to keep the last week to myself. Going on holiday with children can be fun, stressful and tiring. Going on holiday with a child with ADD can make being at home seem like heaven. But we have had significantly more good moments this last week than bad.
Even though I try not to when planning a holiday I have to weigh the pros and cons of how it will affect my daughter. Going abroad for us is not a possibility. Being so far from home would cause more upset than it’s worth and be a huge waste of money. So we holiday in Great Britain.
For the past few years we have gone a little further every time. Right now we are on the bank of Loch Ness and what a magical place it is. The journey here was split with a two night stay at a site in Gretna green. This enable us to rest as well as help our daughter with anxiety. Travelling with her is the worse, even short car journeys so why did we decide to come to Scotland!! I hear you ask? Simple….we adapt so much of our lives to living with disabilities that sometimes I feel like I just want to wish them away and try and be ‘ normal’ I know there is no such thing as normal, it’s just sometimes I don’t want to not go somewhere or do something because of our daughters disabilities. It’s all part of my mantra for wanting them to experience what the world has to offer!!! To not be held back, and to not be defined by their disabilities, as a parent this is getting harder everyday. A few times this week I have thought what the hell am I doing! Am I gluten for punishment?
Why do I have these stupid ideas?……….But for me it’s the magical memories holidays like this can make!!!
I have mad ideas for the memories they make
While planning this holiday there was also that fear of being beside a body of water and the hills and crags that surround us. What would happen if our daughter got impulsive and fell of somewhere😱, how would we cope mentally being on edge all of the time near water and up high? but again how much do you change what you do to suit the symptoms of ADD/ADHD?? For me my daughter is just as much at risk of jumping of Cromer pier than she is of tumbling down Foyers falls. It’s about keeping on the ball and reacting quickly to any meltdowns and anxiety attacks. It has been far from easy with a refusal to eat as much as she needs to, tantrums, swearing, hitting out I feel her behaviour has hit an all time low. It’s like she turned 10 at the beginning of July and since then we have been on a downward spiral.
Surprisingly though I have felt more able to cope with it this week. Dad is here and while she is more attached to me he has made a huge impact on how much she has taken her anger out on me physically. She dosnt care how much it hurts to be hit, or pelted with a stick because she has to walk a little further up the hill. The arms crossed head down pose has been adopted quite a lot this week but do you know what? We made it a whole 7 days with 4 kids, a dog and husband 😂 we didn’t go home early (our usual trick).
So all in all its amazing here! Where is here?
Camping and caravan club Loch Ness shores Inverness-shire
All set up
What a place!! I almost want to keep it secret so no one else comes here. We arrived on Monday and instantly I fell in love. Nestled right on the shore the site has amazing views and lots of space. Ideal for those with hyperactivity. Being nestled quite nicely in the surrounding nooks and crags Loch Ness shores is a stones throw away from amazing walks taking you up to Foyers falls, rope swings galore and beach side campfires where you can sit and Nessie watch. It’s amazingly dog friendly too so we could bring our Labrador poppy.
The site itself has a quaint little shop with your essentials…including marshmallows for those beach side fires! They also have tables where you can sit and plan your day, read or play games. We haven’t this time around but next time we will definitely be renting some kayaks and actually get on the water or if that’s not your thing they also have some small motor boats just perfect for doing a little water side exploring. There’s a small airstream diner offering breakfast, lunch and dinner for those who would like a break from cooking…..the sausage and egg roll we had yesterday morning was divine. There is also a huge, clean and accessible amenities block with toilets, showers, washing machines and a tumble dryer. My daughter likes to come and help fill and empty the machines. I think this is more to do with the fact there is the hum from the machines and it’s a small room ideal for getting away from everything for 10 minutes. While stood waiting a quiet sense of calm comes over you. There is also a play park for the children, mine have spent most evenings there before bed playing and making friends with other campers.
On the shore of Loch Ness
Out and about Inverness is about 40 minutes by car and again with so much scenery to see our daughter coped quite well. Once there there’s so much to see and do. We went on a boat trip with dolphin spirit. Sadly the Dolphins were hiding this time but the girls enjoyed their time on board and there was activities for Louisa to do on board like colouring, animal spotting so she stayed entertained. We also went to a very quaint and quirky free titanic museum. Inverness itself has all the shops you would find at home. We didn’t really explore all that much as our daughter didn’t feel comfortable walking round a strange town. Next time we will….
Culloden battlefield was a interesting walk. We didn’t pay to go in the exhibition as it would have been for us personally a waste of money. Our daughter can’t seem to hold her attention and concentration and I felt it would have been a sensory overload this time around as it was also quite busy. The battlefield itself was free to walk. Dogs on leads allowed which was perfect for us. We walked round and discovered the clan stones (Fraser for the outlander fans :). Louisa was a little worried as we were walking around and her anxiety was high but open space, fresh air, history and free….as a parent what more could you wish for.
With so much to see and do we have hardly had anytime for story massage which is not like us at all. Once the bedtime medicine has been given to Louisa all of the girls have been asleep within minutes. Must be the pure, fresh air and running and walking we have been doing, needless to say it won’t continue when we get home it never does ha ha instead we have been jotting down ideas for a Scottish holiday story massage. This is what we came up with….
Down on the shore of the loch
Taking a trip to the loch (walk)
Wonder if Nessie’s about (claw)
We walk we run we play (wave)
Down on the shore of the loch (calm)
The waves go up and down. (wave)
The birds fly round and round (circle)
The clouds go floating by (wave)
Down on the shore of the loch (calm)
We love to paddle and play (walk)
In this beautiful magical place (circle)
And roast our marshmallows (bounce)
Down on the shore of the loch (calm)
The Brown family 2016
Speaking of massage, mummies and daddies if you do come this way to the Highlands (and I highly recommend that you do) check out www.libraholistics.com The owner Lindsay is a lovely, friendly local therapist right on the campsites doorstep. Literally as you walk out of the site you are there 😊 Offering a range of treatments Lindsay offers tranquility and relaxation. The treatment room is relaxing and inviting and adds to the whole experience. In keeping with my mantra of how we should all have some relaxation massage is a definite must for those of us caring for disabled children. I had a back,shoulder and neck massage. Sleeping in a caravan does have its drawbacks 😀 but after the massage I felt much calmer, relaxed and ready for the long trip home a couple of days later.
Now the reality is that we are going home. Dad is going back to work and for 8.5 hours a day I am going to be on my own. It’s daunting!!!! In truth it brings an almost sick feeling to my stomach. How will I cope? How will I entertain the children? I am also trying to start the next step in my career as a holistic therapist, how will I cope juggling children, ADD and coursework?
Watch this space…… Take care all, enjoy your time with the children, make magical memories even on bad days and try to make time for yourselves I know I will and remember your not alone!!!!
You, Me and a Journey 